


Outdoor Life

by punkrockgaia



Series: Eternity!Vale [4]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Eternity Vale, Frotting, Guns, Hunting, M/M, Outdoor Sex, Skinny Dipping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 13:00:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1983936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkrockgaia/pseuds/punkrockgaia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of Eternity Vale vignettes featuring our favorite rugged outdoorsman and his charming husband. More tags will be added as necessary</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Great Day Hikes of the Appalachian Plateau

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure exactly how probable this is geographically, but it makes for a pretty picture! And I chose not to make Earl a sous-chef here, 'cause he already has a paying gig in Night Vale, KY. And, I also know that Cecil shouldn't hike in short shorts, and so should he! That's probably how he ended up with Lyme Disease!

Ah, the sounds of nature. The gentle whisper of birds in the trees, the soothing babble of a stream, the cheerful songs of birds. The bitter music of abject grousing.

"Some staycation this is."

"You weren't doing anything anyway. How many times can you sit in your pajamas and eat ice cream out of the container and rewatch 'The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly'?"

"It was 'Fistful of Dollars,' you philistine. Ugh, it's so hot out."

"C'mon, Cee, it's a beautiful day. High 70's, low humidity, nice breeze. There's literally no better weather for a hike."

"Well, _I_ feel uncomfortably warm. And there's been a rock in my boot for five miles."

"We're only two miles from where we parked the truck."

"How do you know it didn't get in there on the ride here? And my shorts are riding up."

"No one told you to wear booty shorts on a hike."

"I don't hear you complaining. You're the one who knows where we're going, yet you've been behind me the whole way."

Earl grinned. "Well, I mean, a fella gets to enjoy the scenery, doesn't he?"

Cecil rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I don't get the point of this whole fiasco. I mean, we got in the _truck_ and we _drove_ for fifteen minutes to go on a _hike_ when there's, y'know, a whole mountain in our backyard. With just a little more driving and a lot less effort, we could have had a nice little hike at home then driven into the city. There's a new bistro that opened up that I'm dying to try out."

"The point is that there's something out here I want to show you."

"Is it my untimely death? Because that seems imminent."

"Just keep hiking, Ceese. It's right over this rise, in the clearing." He slapped his husband on the butt for encouragement, and the two men continued along through the forest. When they got to the clearing, even Cecil was rendered speechless.

It was like something out of a Disney movie. A steep hill, not quite a cliff face, rose up in the background of a small meadow. A burbling waterfall flowed down from the hill and into a beautiful, clear pond, which in turn flowed into a small creek. 

"Oh, Early," Cecil breathed, plopping down onto the grass. "How beautiful."

Earl crouched next to him, beaming, and kissed him on the cheek. "I thought you'd like it." He stood and started to take off his shirt.

Cecil regarded him with horror. "What the _hell_?"

"I thought we'd take a swim."

"In _there_?" He inclined his head toward the pond.

"Yeah, that was the general idea." He cast off his shirt and threw it a few feet away, then started to work on untying his boots.

"Out here. In the middle of the woods."

"Yeah, romantic, huh?" He grunted a little as he pushed off his boots, then took off his socks and placed them carefully inside. He began to unbuckle his belt.

"You're crazy. We didn't bring swimsuits."

Earl chuckled as he stripped off his pants and undershorts. "Who needs swimsuits?"

It took Cecil a moment to answer, distracted as he was by his husband's naked, muscular body. "What, uh, what about if somebody comes by?" It was suddenly harder to think that it was a few moments before.

"Nobody's gonna come by, Cecil. It's the middle of the day on a Tuesday, and these woods aren't exactly crawling with people anyhow." He grabbed Cecil's hands and started pulling him to his feet.

"Are there... Are there leeches?" Cecil's protests were growing weaker in the presence of so much naked Earl.

"Nope. Water's moving too fast. C'mon, don't be a wuss." He hooked his fingers underneath Cecil's clingy t-shirt and pulled it over his head.

"If I come out with a leech on my dick..." 

Earl grabbed Cecil's shoulders and looked him in the eye. "You will not come out with a leech on your dick. I swear. And if you do, I'll kiss it and make it alllll better."

"EARRRRRL!"

"Kidding, kidding. Look, I'm going in there, right? Do you think _I_ want to get up close and personal with a leech?" 

"Well, you _are_ a nature freak..."

"Pffft..." Earl snickered, then took a step back into the pond. "Now come on, are you gonna join me?"

"I..."

Earl waded out until the water was hip deep then lay back in the water. "It's nice in here, Cee." The water glistened off of his skin and reflected in little points of light in the hair on his chest and abdomen.

Cecil realized his mouth was hanging open, then huffed and rolled his eyes. " _Fine._ I'll go in there, but only to save you if you get a stupid cramp and drown."

Earl grinned. "There's the man I married. Come on in, Baby Doll."

"Can't I just leave my boxers on?"

"Sure, if you want to hike back two miles with damp shorts, but I wouldn't recommend it. Besides, would you cover up Michelangelo's David?" 

"Stop." Cecil blushed and covered his face with his palm, but he shucked off his boots, socks, shorts and underwear nonetheless. He gingerly stepped into the water. "Oh. Now I understand the David reference. This water's freezing!"

"It's refreshing. But what's your point?"

"You know, shrinkage..."

"My poor cold baby. C'mere, I'll help warm you up." 

"You'd better. You've got more insulating fur than I do." Wincing and shivering, Cecil made his way over to where Earl was paddling around. Earl smiled and folded him into his arms.

"Aw, you're all covered in goose bumps. Let your Early Bird help you." He pressed Cecil's body to his and kissed his neck, taking Cecil's hand and guiding it between his legs. Cecil found himself shivering for an entirely different reason. 

"You're the only person I know who could think about sex while floating in an ice bath."

"What can I say? You get me hot."

"I feel like the last act of Titanic."

Earl's eyes grew misty. "I love that movie." He took a deep breath and opened his mouth, and Cecil quickly put his hand over it. 

"No, Early. Do not sing Celine Dion. Not if you want to get laid again in this lifetime."

"You're no fun, Cee."

"Your heart will go on." Cecil swiveled around so that he was facing Earl, his legs around his hips. "Now come on, weren't you going to warm me up?"

"Oh, yeah! Sorry, I was distracted by the timeless love story that is Rose and Jack."

"How about the timeless love story that is Earl and Cecil?"

"Ah, that's my favorite..." Earl held on to Cecil's thighs and did a half-assed backstroke toward the shore, until the water was shallow enough to sit on the bottom but still deep enough to be submerged up to the shoulders. He pulled Cecil down into a deep kiss. 

Cecil returned the kiss, moaning softly into Earl's mouth. He was still chilly, but the parts of his body pressed up against Earl were warm, so warm. He curled himself tighter around Earl's torso, rocking his hips slowly against him as he did. 

Earl responded by grasping Cecil's ass and pulling him until he sat on Earl's thighs. They were pressed together then, hot and throbbing, the water making their skin slick as they began to move together, creating little tidal waves that lapped at the grass on the nearby bank. 

Cecil dug his toes into the silty bottom for better leverage, slender thighs working against Earl's meatier ones, long fingers digging into ginger-speckled shoulders. His back arched gracefully as he drove himself harder, wanting, needing.

Earl found himself half-drowned and half-suffocated between the sloshing water and Cecil's chest, and he couldn't have been happier. He planted the soles of his feet flat on the bottom of the pond and thrust upward against his mate's soft, slippery flesh. A small creature dashed through the long grass of the forest, startled by the unfamiliar sounds that began to mingle with the high whine of the cicadas.

"Oh, yes, Early, yes..."

"Cee, I'm gonna..."

" _Fuck._ Please, Birdy, please, need to feel you..."

"Love you so much Baby Doll..."

"Love you..." 

Then words dissolved into more animal grunts and cries, then into gasps and soft panting and the wet sound of kisses, then into silence. Then a shriek as Earl bonelessly flopped backwards into the pond, dragging Cecil underwater with him.

The two men broke the surface a moment later, Cecil already voicing his displeasure.

"Ah! Earl Harlan-Palmer, what the everloving _fuck_?" A distinct twang entered his normally-accentless voice as he shoved at his husband.

Earl couldn't conceal his glee. "You're so cute when you're mad and soaking wet!"

"Oh, yeah?" Cecil scrunched up his face and then shook himself like a drenched Labrador retriever, droplets flying in every direction from his white-blond hair as Earl yelped and laughed. 

"Yeah, but you're cute all the time."

"Flatterer."

"Just telling the truth. Now you tell the truth -- that was a really good idea, wasn't it?"

"Ooohhhh..." Cecil waggled his head side to side in a noncommittal motion. "Yeah, I guess it was _sorta_ fun. But hey, we did what you wanted to do, so now you owe me!"

"And what would that be?" Earl said in his most seductive purr, wrapping his arms around Cecil.

"Well," Cecil breathed, running an index finger down Earl's sternum, "I was thinking, we could go home, and get into the shower..."

"Yeah? And then what?"

"And we wash all the frog piss off of ourselves and put on suits and go to that new French restaurant I was talking about."

"Oh." Earl thought for a moment, then shrugged. "I guess I **do** owe you, so all right. But you're awfully fancy for someone who grew up on government cheese, y'know."

Cecil was silent for a moment, and Earl thought maybe he'd unintentionally touched a nerve. Then Cecil crooked one groomed eyebrow and said, in a voice drier than hardtack, "The preferred term is _welfare camembert,_ I'll have you know." He grinned his crooked grin and stood up, dripping water on Earl's head. "Now come on, let's dry off and get going. Cecil needs him some duck a l'orange!" 

"Whatever you say, Baby Doll, whatever you say." Earl got out of the pond and drip-dried next to his darling, beaming brighter than the summer sun ever could.


	2. Pump Action for the Experienced Hunter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Me, you, and Betty Lou.

Earl cooed lovingly to his best gal as he lay her gently across his lap, using his capable hands to spread a thin veneer of oil all over her, making sure to get into all the hardest-to-reach places, the places she really needed it. "Just you and me, Baby Girl, yeah, gonna have such a good time." When he was finished, he stood, broke her over his forearm, and took her into the kitchen.

"Me and Betty Lou are getting ready to head out." 

Cecil was perched on the countertop, fiddling with his phone, a steaming cup of coffee next to his hip. He looked up at Earl and smirked.

"I find it interesting that you named your shotgun Betty Lou." 

"And why is that?"

"Because you're just about the gayest thing on this mountain."

Earl looked evenly at his husband. He was barefoot, toenails painted a glittery purple. He had on yoga pants with a pride flag on the seat and a skimpy t-shirt that read "Dolphins are Just Gay Sharks." The mug next to him was emblazoned with the slogan "I can't even THINK straight," along with an inverted pink triangle.

"Oh, really."

Cecil looked down at his ensemble and snickered a bit. "Okay, _second_ gayest. You're the _second_ gayest thing on this mountain. But my point still stands, I think."

"All right, so what should she be named, if not Betty Lou?"

"Well, she should probably be a he, for one thing. I don't know why a gun would be a girl. It's phallic, after all."

"So, what, like 'Buford' or something?"

"Ah, yeah, your dream man would be named Buford, wouldn't he? I had better keep my eyes open. I see some escapee from Hee-Haw with a smelly hound dog lounging around on Main Street spitting chew and drinking corn liquor out of a clay jug marked XXX and I'll take that as my signal to pack my stuff and look for an apartment."

"Nah, it'd never last. A guy that perfect, I'd start to feel inadequate. How 'bout something fancier, like 'Blaine' or 'Stefan'?" 

"Hmph, what a walking stereotype. You might as well name it 'Judy Garland'."

"... And we're back to girls' names." Earl looked thoughtful. "Hey, I've got it! I'll name him Cecil!"

Cecil made a face. "No."

"Why not?" He sauntered over to the counter and put his arms around Cecil's waist. "I like oiling you up, and I love the sound you make when I pull your trigger." He moved to kiss Cecil, but was stopped by the flat of a palm pressing against his forehead.

"Get outta here," giggled Cecil. "Go kill some defenseless animals."

"I notice you don't complain when you're eating them."

"Did I say I wasn't a hypocrite? Now get going. Steve's waiting."

Earl stopped. "How did you know I was going with Steve?"

Cecil rolled his eyes up until only the whites were showing. "I see allllll..." he intoned. Then he rolled them back and guffawed. "Nah, Sadie texted me, all worried that her husband would do something stupid and and come home with a few more holes than he left with. I said that he'd probably be safe, since it isn't turkey season."

"And you're not mad?"

"Why should I be mad? He needs a hobby. He gets into hunting and you and he can talk about ammo and such at Christmas and I don't have to listen to his boring yap go on about the moon landing." He hopped off the counter and pressed his body against Earl's. "Mmm, but don't try to keep stuff from me ever again, you hear?" 

"Okay, I won't. I promise. I just didn't want to upset you."

"I know." He kissed him. "Now get out there so that you can get back. I'll be waiting for you." The tone of his voice left no doubt as to the rewards awaiting his brave hunter at the end of the day. 

Earl brought his hands down to Cecil's ass and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Sure thing. You're the best, you know that?"

Cecil shrugged. "Yeah, I know." He turned and began to refill his coffee from the French press. "Be safe, and have fun with Betty Lou."

"Don't you mean 'Little Cecil'?"

"Little?"

"You know, comparatively."

Cecil looked over his shoulder, obviously trying to suppress a grin. "Damn skippy." He wiggled his hips, firm cheeks shifting beneath a rainbow flag, then blew Earl a kiss, arching his back as he did.

The hunting trip that day was uncharacteristically brief. Steve was disappointed, but Earl said he had more important things to do at home. Cecil was more than pleased to demonstrate how flexible he could be in his yoga pants. 

Betty Lou was not available for comment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know Betty Lou isn't pump-action, but I couldn't resist the pun... :)


End file.
